Just a post

Right now I'm listening to Paramore's Conspiracy...I love this band!

And I'm sick...dad spread his germs to me and mom's complaining about everything. Yup, nothing new there.

Gonna start beauty school soon...

I'm letting my nose hole close...cause I've been having flu and it's not healing, and I don't want to risk getting another keloid. So it's going to have to close for now.

I'll pierce it back when I got the time.

The year is ending.

And as usual I have no new years resolution.

I still remember the time when I used to just make a list together with my friends...

But I don't see the point of it now.

Emo~!

Even after I've well not posted anything that would indicate me being emo on this blog I'm still known as emo Jenn. Even Gid called me emo yesterday. So fine I don't smile much. At least I do in photos....I think. But emo or not, doens't matter I'm still ME! And that's all that matters.

Love me, hate me; I'm yours.
XOXO
JenN

Trap (poem)

Think of me as an Emo person? Here's something that will make you cringe or hate me more or pity me whatever.

XOXO
JenN

The pain I'm feeling now is almost unbearable;
It's not physical;
It's all emotional;
Wounds that you can't see, but you know it's there;
Wounds that people say will heal in time;
But is there any evidence of that being true?
The anger boiling in my blood;
The frustration threatening to tear me from the inside out;
I have to control it for my sake and others;
Yet,
Why should I?
I can't understand why you have to hurt me this way;
If you were anyone else I would gladly strip you out of my life;
But I can't, I'm stuck with you;
I want to hate you but I can't.
With everything that I've already been through,
I blamed it on the world;
But now I realized who the culprit was;
It was you all along.
I can't do anything, I can't change anything;
You've already shattered me beyond repair and you don't even realize it;
I can't love cause I don't know what true love is;
I can read it in books watch it on TV;
But I will never truly understand it.
I want all this to end but it seems like the only way I can is if I die;
I can't kill myself;
No.
Why?
Cause I'll go to hell for such a sin;
But remaining here where I am is the worst agony, a hole in my chest that only get's bigger and bigger;
That not even a thousand words can describe the pain I'm in;
So here I am;
Trapped.

Just another day

Yes, I'm an addict to Vampire Knight.
Am reading the latest episode online, and on webcam with Adam...unfortunately we were both doing the same thing while webcaming...tragic.
Lolx...
Aihz...must finish the T design tomorrow!
If I have the time;
In quite a bit of discomfort right now.
It's that time again...aihz..
And it's late!
Been expecting it a week ago!
Bleh!

HAPPY 18TH BURFDAY FOO JI~!!!!!
and also..today is the 2nd year anniversary of my first ever pets death;
Bubbles;
Love you both always. Muakz.

We are Drama.

I once told my friend that my life's experience is so dramatic that I can actually sell it as a script to be made into a series.
Things have always been very complicated.
My relationship with Christine has always been very strange.
Kind of like Gossip Girls' Serena Van der Woodson and Blair Waldorf.
Two Queen Bee's two best friend, two very different people.
We know how to be a bitch, but whose a bigger bitch?
That's something we don't even want to talk about.
We dated each others ex-es.
We both have dark secrets.
And we love each other.
We fight among each other.
We cry together;
Laugh;
Scream.
And we love each others company, that's for sure.
We've gone through a lot in life, seriously a lot.
And thing have to an extend of being really bad but we always find a way to work it out.
Here's a lil inside on our friendship.
We both have deep dark secrets that we both know of and are not proud of.
She dated my ex, I dated hers.
And both of them have just messed up our lives and left us having an extreme bad impression of them now.
The guy she likes was once into me.
And we liked the same guy who now we laugh at and call a moron.
She dated a guy who in the end was really into me.
She got to know a guy who was crazy about me.
And now I'm having a hard time getting over a person who she's known all her life.
And she's more than just my girlfriend.
She's my Ino-chan.
And we're both single;
just the way we want it.

XOXO
J

What's this?

My birthday has passed 15minutes ago...they've been a lot of things going on for the past two weeks and I am to blame. My heart feels empty and my stomach feels funny. And my mouth is dry. And I have the urge to want to puke. I don't know what to do.
I can't sleep, I've been feeling down all day.
Is it karma?
I don't care who reads this; I have nothing to hide.
But I'm feeling confuse and definitely upset.
And I can't say it out cause it'll just confirm my paranoia.
When will the drama end?

Burp!

OK...so I've been reading Bleach all day cause it's addictive. But I also have been kicking DQ's ass in Hexic..And I played with my dog..so she's all glued to me now. But I've also spent sometime searching on the web for some stuff that I like. Don't worry it ain't anything X-rated...SHISH! And of course DQ and I were also talking about the Youth Force T-shirt design. Well since I have nothing to do...at first I didn't even bother about it since I've so hopelessly uncreative! Although I like to make handmade cards for people for Valentines day- but I didn't make any this year BUAHAHAHAHA...but maybe Christmas. Owell anyway I actually originally planned to do the design with Christine hahax...since she's good at making it happen and I'm just the moron with weird ideas...But she insisted we entered our own entries and critique each other and give opinion on each other's design..bah! So OK..whatever I went along with it. I don't really care about the price anyway. Since I like all these arts stuff..so sure whatever at least I can wrack my brain for something useful until college starts in November. And DQ is all bugging me that he wants the price...sure..I may not be interested in it but that doesn't mean I ain't going to give in my all to make my ideas happen. Haha..!

XOXO
JenN

More News On Avril (taken from ABS-CBN News Online)

Review: One rocking night with Avril

By Mark Vincent D. Telan
abs-cbnNEWS.com

Usual Wednesday morning. Workday. I really had nothing exciting to look forward to. Not until my officemate told me as soon as I arrived at the office that she has 2 tickets for the Avril Lavigne concert.

And the better part of it was that she asked me to go with her! I had no choice but to say YES. (As if I was forced to!) Who am I to turn down such an unexpected blessing to witness “The Best Damn Tour Concert”?

In an interview before the concert, Avril Lavigne promised a more “upbeat”and “fun” type of performance for the night, as she selected her favorite songs from three of her albums. And with the inclusion of back-up dancers, she’s confident that the Filipino crowd will love her comeback concert, she added.

I wasn’t able to watch Avril’s first concert three years ago, but I must say that as early as the first song, I began to feel that I was in for a fun and energetic treat.

Energy and talent

People screamed and shouted as the lights went out. Excitement filled the air. And as soon as the band started playing, people forgot the fact that the show started 30 minutes late. (The show was supposed to start at 8 pm.)

My night with Avril started as she performed the hit song “Girlfriend” with her back-up dancers. Most of the crowd stood up to catch a better glimpse of the "punk princess" on her first song.

Pinoys love Avril for her radio hits. On Wednesday night, Avril proved that she’s worthy of the punk princess title simply because she knows how to rock in more ways than one.

Aside from watching Avril’s hip and energetic song-and dance numbers, the audience was able to get a glimpse of her talent in playing various musical instruments.

She serenaded the crowd with her song “When You’re Gone” while playing the piano. Then soon after, she rocked Araneta Coliseum as she sang “Runaway” while playing the drums.

More than her talents in performing, it’s her rapport that captivated the audience. There was never a dull moment during the concert, thanks to the interaction between Avril and the fans. People enthusiastically cheered and clapped and shouted. And as expected, people sang with the punk princess, especially when Avril sang “Complicated” and “Sk8r Boi”.

More! More!

People screamed their lungs out when the lights went out. The change in stage backdrop (from a pink skull to a red star) added more thrill to the wailing crowd. Soon, dancers took center stage, with Avril, donned in red top, following them.

Like everyone else, I was ready, waiting for another round of Avril’s performance. Like everyone else, I was at the hype, and in no way will I stop wanting more.

With the previous backdrop and costume change, people expected more from the Canadian punk princess.

But after performing the remix version of “Girlfriend”, she started to thank everyone and said her farewells. Off she went, waving at the audiences who yelled and begged for more.

Sad to say

I can't say he was completely wrong cause he wasn't. Yes there are some Christian's who are hypocrites. I'm not saying I'm not, but I'm trying not to be. I'm not saying I'm better than the non believers cause I know I'm not. What I'm saying is, it's possible the reason what he said affected so many people in DQ's blog and enraged them is because what he said hit very close to home. Sure he called me a goth, sure he obviously tried to provoke me into joining in the heated argument but I tried not to, I was tempted to, but thank God I seek him and prayed about it. I'm not saying I didn't diss him or argued with what he said to my friends cause I did. But I'm glad that DQ listen and did what my sis and I told him to do which is just block off further comments. What's the point with continuing on? Everyone has proven their point the 1st time, now their just going around in circles repeating it over and over again.

There will be no end to all these arguments, everyone wants to be right. And the best way to do is to just turn away from it. Let him think we have admitted defeat, let him think what he wants..it's absolutely out of our control. Let God deal with him, cause who are we to judge? We're not perfect ourselves and we have no right to judge him when his also God's creation and so are we.

I'm not trying to be holy, I don't think I'm that holy. But at least I'm willing to let God work in my life and change things about me that I can't change on my own.

That is all.

XOXO
JenN

10 Things I Hate About You

Your eyelashes;

The way you smile;

How you can make me laugh and have a great time;

You break my heart;

You're sweet;

I can always turn to you when I'm feeling down;

You know how to be a gentleman;

You're not like the other guys;

Your voice;

But most of all,

You make me cry cause I can't have you.

Those are the 10 simple things that I hate about you, and trust me there's more;

But I think I've said enough;

I'll bitch about you all the time cause that is all I can do;

Cause it hurts less than having to think about the things I love about you.

But, I would be lying if I said that, that is the 10 things I hate about you;

When they are the 10 things I love about you;

Even if it means most of the time the 9 things that I love about you,
forces me to cry myself to sleep;

But that's just the effect you have on me.

Note: I'm sure that's what all love sick girls would say about the one that they like real badly.

She Doesn't Feel Right.

Last night was one of those nights...that pretty much explains a lot and also why I typed that poem; not only was I all emo but this time it's different, and I didn't even realize it until now, because the sadness that I felt from last night is still in me today. People say that tomorrow is a new day- well that is right. But- it's a new day of raw emotions filled with anger and hurt. Something just isn't right because I haven't felt this low for a long time now.

A Homemade Chicken Pie

A made up story for all to read;

It all begin on one fine Father's Day; everything was fine, card's were given,
roses. Then the family went to church and the father a great man,
was greeted by many, it was a proud day for all fathers it truly was.
A day they were remembered and appreciated for the things they did.
All those nights they stayed up late at work; working hard to support their family,
that's the thing about how families work, they actually work under an unspoken rule;
the father works hard to support the family, the wife she either works to support the family,
or she stays home take cares of the kids and the house. Well at least those were the old days
where women were seen as people who are always on the men's side,
taking care of his every needs,
and allowing him to make all the decisions, as they stand beside him no matter
what. But times have change, women now like to work, and affairs aren't such
a big surprise anymore, women go for plastic surgery to get what they weren't born with
or what they lost while they aged and shed their youthful looks and days.
But that's not what this story is about no. It's not, really it isn't.
It's a short story about how you will never be prepared for anything,
even though you may read about it in novels the papers watch it on TV?
Fact is nothing absolutely nothing can prepare you for anything until it happens to you.
The father, the husband was given a homemade chicken pie but he wasn't the
only one who received it.
Back home that night for dinner his wife prepared a father's day dinner;
everything was going fine until-
when the daughter asked about the chicken pie and the answer
that was given back by her mother, wiped out her father's facial expression completely;
he looked angry not just that furious and annoyed somehow a pinch of betrayal.
It was a dangerous look, a look his daughter had never seen before and just
might never forget.
When asked by the daughter if they were going to have the pie for dessert the father asked
her to throw it away, the wife didn't get it and made faces because she didn't
think she had done any damage but she was wrong.
The pie was left there over night not kept in the fridge just left there.
Which means...the pie was no longer eatable and it was left there for 2 days until;
the daughter could not take it any longer and decided to throw it away,
she couldn't say that she didn't feel a bit shame that the pie had to be thrown away,
cause she did feel that it was a shame, a perfectly fine homemade chicken pie,
all this happen because the wife had to say something inappropriate;
what made her say what she did?
Was it a large bowl of jealousy, a small bowl of envy, 2 spoon full of bitterness,
2 cracked eggs of hatred, and 2 drops of sourness.
A perfect recipe for a simple bitter cake.

By JenN
XOXO

She's Had Too Much Beer?

Hmm...well went out and meet my ex-classmates at Leisure Mall; Wong Kok today;
And hell ya! I had a great time. And after we went Neway for karaoke...and we ordered 3jugs of beer..well when you keep pouring it in your glass you pretty much lost count on how much you're actually drinking, plus I downed it all with one go...
And I sort of realize that I can be really wild...it's crazy I know..but if I'm comfortable with where I am or I'm in the mood; I can do pretty much anything crazy...
And I just got home.
Had an awesome time!
And I sang! Well Avril Lavigne songs and Linkin Park..but obviously I skipped the screaming;
I ain't ready to go screaming like hottie Chester Bennington in public;
at lest not yet.
And I'm still a lil' confuse about how I feel towards certain things...or well people.
That's all for now I guess...just got home and had my dinner and I haven't bath!

I miss Vodka and Ice cream Soda...although Gold Lable with Coke will do just fine.

breakfast = Home meal bread, butter and sugar.
lunch = rice+duck+2 types of vege and sup
dinner = rice+egg+2 types of vege and sup

Yes! Another Post!

Lunch = Maggie Mee (dried), with 2 pork balls (yummy), lettuce. (I think I hear my stomach growling.)

I dunno but my blog sort of well kind of...I just feel so unsatisfied with it! And I so need to change my blog banner...I dunno I think maybe cause it's going to be that time of month..that's why I'm so tired...and I think too much..yup that's bad! Like REALLY bad! And I'm constantly indulging on anime...and manga...And I'm always hungry- wait I'm not, yah and maybe that's because there IS! nothing to eat at home... (sobs..)
Currently reading a manga titled "Kimi wa petto" I actually watched the real life acting drama of it. Now I'm reading the manga.
And my dad just bugged me about my msn nickname...Hey..I like it...and the only reason why I put it was because I was hungry not because I was lazy...
Dotz...DOtzz...DOTZZZzzz....
And now his lecturing me on what I write...I wonder if my dad reads my blog hmm...
Nah..I somehow doubt it, his my dad I love him and sometimes I can't stand him..but I know he respects my privacy..My blog is VERY important to me why? Cause it's a place where I can just let it all out...And whoever wants to judge me on my posts well-
*pats the person on shoulder* I feel sorry for you. Cause I'm just being me.
Sorry that you can't handle it.

Secret Stash Of Chocolate

I think that every girl needs it...or ice cream as long as it's chocolate flavor or chocolate chip we should always have some of it hidden; cause you never know when you might really need it. Guys might not understand why cause I guess it's all on how they deal with their heart...Well different people have different ways of dealing with certain emotions...and eating chocolate for me is more or less the safest way to make me feel better when I'm depress...well it's better than getting drunk till you puke your guts out, or blasting music and slicing yourself right? Violent..I know but it works for some people. Chocolate helps most girl deal with certain heart aches...it's not a cure..it's like a drug, the taste of it helps you forget what your feeling for a moment..

And something comes up to make type this-

I should be happy that I have friends that have found that special someone in their lives and their really happy now right? Well I am..just- guess a part of me is sad for myself...There I go again...bullshitting as usual.

I had a TINY vanilla flavor muffin..and an apple; for breakfast.

What a morning...

Listening to Tokio Hotel - Monsoon

OK for real..I am trying to loose weight like seriously...And I'm cutting down on food and eating between meals so far I managed to do that yesterday..I had an apple while waiting for Christine to pick me up for lunch..

So well I'm trying to loose weight and first I shall keep track of what I eat so that I can make sure that I DO NOT over eat..Since it's still early...all I had for breakfast was 2 pieces of white bread with 99.5% TRANS FREE, CHOLESTEROL FREE CANOLA SPREAD..OK..I have no idea what's Canola..but it TASTE like magerine and it LOOKS like magerine...And a cup of Pure Chamomile Natural Flower 0% Caffeine Tea..and 2 packs of brown sugar and 2 tiny tea spoons of Creamer...I know I know..it's as if my parents are health freaks..well their not..I think..I mean this house has nothing to eat! Zero! Nada! Like for real..Well we do have healthy oat meal biscuits from IKO which taste so GOOD! And there's Kuai Leng Kou in the fridge..mom just made it the other day..well lunch I guess mom's buying some hawker food..yah..not exactly healthy..owell...

And yah...parents pissed me off this morning it's both sides fault I guess...
And Ben Barnes from The Chronicels Of Narnia 2: Prince Caspian; acted in STARDUST! As Tristan's father when he was young! Wow!

Numb

I honestly didn't realize at all how numb I've become and what have been the caused of it..it's this constant feeling of pain inside of me that somehow feels like it's not there...I'm miserable I'll admit it I'll typed it out in my blog for the world to see I'll admit it..what's left to hide? I'm sure everyone feels the same...I know I'm not alone but in a way I am alone...It's not another phase in life..I know I need to do something to feel good about myself...I hated it at National Service..but when I come home...I don't feel the love..I don't feel wanted in a way..I feel like I'm a burden...and their throwing hints of expectation of hopes and dreams that they want fulfilled..I don't know if I am able to do those things...I'm not like those kids who are blessed with talent who don't seem to have a lazy bone in them..I wish I was like them..honestly I do..but I'm not..and no matter how much I wish I could be like them I can't, sometimes I feel like I've let them down...sometimes I hate them for turning me into what I am..I know what I want..at least I thought I did...but what I want..isn't what they want..someone ones told me that you have to be selfish to get what you want sometimes...but their selfishness over shadows mine...I don't blame them for everything...sometimes I do..sometimes I don't...sometimes I feel more hurt than love...but most of the time all I feel is rage..wrath...maybe it's from the hurts in the past..betrayal of friendship..sometimes at night when I'm alone the same conversation from a lost friend keeps playing in my head...I know sounds like something from TV..but it is exactly how it feels...I can still remember how naive I was...and how she sounded..she knew what she was talking about and she knew how the world was even at a young age..I just wanted to believe that everything was really that simple but it's not. And now I know...and I know it's only going to get worst..but already I feel numb.

Every time I hear this song..it gives me chills..not necessarily a bad thing..but it also gives me a sense of comfort..cause the lyrics is exactly how we all feel.

Linkin Park - Numb video (lyrics below)



I'm tired of being what you want me to be
feeling so faithless
lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
put under the pressure
of walking in your shoes

[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
every step that I take is another mistake to you
[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]

I've
become so numb
I can't feel you there
become so tired
so much more aware
I'm becoming this
all I want to do
is be more like me
and be less like you

can't you see that you're smothering me
holding too tightly
afraid to lose control
cause everything that you thought I would be
has fallen apart right in front of you

[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
every step that I take is another mistake to you
[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
and every second I waste is more than I can take

I've
become so numb
I can't feel you there
become so tired
so much more aware
I'm becoming this
all I want to do
is be more like me
and be less like you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

I've
become so numb
I can't feel you there
become so tired
so much more aware
I'm becoming this
all I want to do
is be more like me
and be less like you

I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be

Yes, My Hair

I know some people are pretty shock and disappointed that I left it blond instead of dyed red over it..but hey try and look on the bright side here with me...this way when the blond color fades...which won't make much of a diff just becomes a lighter shade I can dye it red myself D.I.Y duh...so no worries ^^

You Don't Want To Be In My Head Right Now...

Feels as if my brain is about to freaking explode...I don't have enough of sleep...just spend RM120 on things that I absolutely need for NS...but trust me...I need more than that to look OK...not like a fabulous drop dead gorgeous bitch with fair skin and smooth pinky cheeks...or soft straight fucking hair...I'm cranky! I'm falling sick! And my AUNTY visit me for crying out loud! And Ginger's whining in her HIGH pitch tone and it's making my migraine bloody worst! And I can finally take my shower! Ate some fattening food today and I don't care if I can't fit into a size 30 jeans when I need a 36! Yes! I have fat thighs and I don't even know why I'm blogging about this! I guess I'm just drained...life hasn't been easy! And hey! I may be a moody bitch! And act like I'm fine with the world hating me but I'm still HUMAN! I don't think I get jealous of people often or envy even if I do...I don't hold it for long...Trust me there's a lot of things going in my head...and this isn't even half of it...and I don't even care if people read it or not...I'm just letting it out because there absolutely isn't a point keeping them all in right now...

-watched 27 Dresses today with Ryan and sis...LOVED IT.-