Trap (poem)

Think of me as an Emo person? Here's something that will make you cringe or hate me more or pity me whatever.

XOXO
JenN

The pain I'm feeling now is almost unbearable;
It's not physical;
It's all emotional;
Wounds that you can't see, but you know it's there;
Wounds that people say will heal in time;
But is there any evidence of that being true?
The anger boiling in my blood;
The frustration threatening to tear me from the inside out;
I have to control it for my sake and others;
Yet,
Why should I?
I can't understand why you have to hurt me this way;
If you were anyone else I would gladly strip you out of my life;
But I can't, I'm stuck with you;
I want to hate you but I can't.
With everything that I've already been through,
I blamed it on the world;
But now I realized who the culprit was;
It was you all along.
I can't do anything, I can't change anything;
You've already shattered me beyond repair and you don't even realize it;
I can't love cause I don't know what true love is;
I can read it in books watch it on TV;
But I will never truly understand it.
I want all this to end but it seems like the only way I can is if I die;
I can't kill myself;
No.
Why?
Cause I'll go to hell for such a sin;
But remaining here where I am is the worst agony, a hole in my chest that only get's bigger and bigger;
That not even a thousand words can describe the pain I'm in;
So here I am;
Trapped.

10 Things I Hate About You

Your eyelashes;

The way you smile;

How you can make me laugh and have a great time;

You break my heart;

You're sweet;

I can always turn to you when I'm feeling down;

You know how to be a gentleman;

You're not like the other guys;

Your voice;

But most of all,

You make me cry cause I can't have you.

Those are the 10 simple things that I hate about you, and trust me there's more;

But I think I've said enough;

I'll bitch about you all the time cause that is all I can do;

Cause it hurts less than having to think about the things I love about you.

But, I would be lying if I said that, that is the 10 things I hate about you;

When they are the 10 things I love about you;

Even if it means most of the time the 9 things that I love about you,
forces me to cry myself to sleep;

But that's just the effect you have on me.

Note: I'm sure that's what all love sick girls would say about the one that they like real badly.

The Worst Thing

The worst thing that could ever happen is when you're breathing but it feels like your not;
Is when you can't feel anything and cutting yourself doesn't help anymore;
Is when you're so numb from everything,
but the only person that can make you feel is the one person who you can't have;
Is when you can't find reasons to live or die;
Is when you feel trap in you're own body.

I'm A Pretender

Note: Originally posted on deviantArt by me..and there seem to be a few people that really like it. It's all simple words that may seem too simple to some; but it gets straight to the point on how I feel.

I smile because I have to;
Because I know if I don't people would ask why;
And if I told you why, you might judge me or try to help;
But right now I want neither of that.
I stay away from people who aren't like me because I know I'll be judge;
And I hate it;
And I'm afraid to be cornered and brought down;
So I stay away and put up my defenses.
You ask me if I'm OK, and I tell you that I am;
Even when I'm not;
Because that's what pretenders do, and I'm one of them;
I act strong and fearless;
But I'm weak and pathetic;
I give advice when asked to;
But in truth I say it because most of the time I have to;
I get scared and I pretend that I'm not;
Because I don't want to be look down on;
Because I want to take care of myself.
Tonight;
I'm a pretender;
Strip this mask away from me and my amour, my disguise;
And you will see that's I'm truly pathetic and weak.

This Time

Dedicate it to someone.

This time it's different;
It's different;
it's not going to be like last time;
You broke my heart once;
Twice;
Three times;
Four...
I can't remember any more;
Five times?
Truth is I've lost count by now;
They told me that I should move on;
I've tried;
Once;
Twice?
Three times?
So many times that even I've lost track of it;
I want you;
Need you;
Miss you;
Want your happiness;
Want you in my happiness;
I thought we had it, I really did;
It wasn't a dream...how could it be?
I can still feel the warmness of your hand against mine;
Your fingers cross in mine;
Can still smell you;
Hear your heart beat against my ears;
But now it's all gone;
The minute you told me that nothing will happen, after you allowed so much to happen;
I lost my heart;
I lost myself;
I lost everything I am;
Everything that I was;
I'm broken;
Was broken before;
Now broken beyond repair;
This time;
I don't think I can ever be the same again;
This time;
I don't think I can let this go, just like that;
This time;
As I watch my tears fall down my face and on to my acoustic guitar;
As I play the song that you love, and the one that I've grown to love;
I'm letting you go;
This time it's different;
I'm going to grow up now;
I'm going to be stronger;
Even though my heart is shattered;
My soul is shattered;
This time it's different;
Cause I'm going to be stronger.

How Much You Mean To Me

The title for this poem doesn't seem right for this poem actually but I couldn't think of one; the words are simple, but it seems straight forward enough for me; it doesn't have to be describe in any other way, because it's all so simple; and everyone can relate to and understand; it's all just plain and simple.

I know that I like you;
But I never realized that I really like you;
I accept the fact that nothing would ever happen between us,
That we are friends and always will be;
But I never realize that as the feelings that i have towards you grow the more I wish that we could be together;
I write this as a poem to express how I feel towards you;
In such simple yet straight forward words, that I will use to express how I feel;
Because this is all that I can do;
Because this is the only way I can express it;
I can't tell you about my feelings towards you;
Because I know what would happen if I do;
My heart aches when I think about it;
Well...it used to;
But I've grown to accept facts;
But the fact is I still can't let you go;
No matter what you still hold a special place in my heart;
I know how obvious it is about my feelings for you;
A lot can tell by the way I look at you;
But you don't seem to notice;
Then they tell me I'm deserve much better than someone like you;
It didn't matter;
I still like you a lot;
And sadly more than I've ever liked anyone before;
My only secret desire is that I would hold a special place in your heart as well;
I don't feel the need to touch you if you don't want me to;
To feel your lips on mine;
I just want to be that special person, as you are to me;
But I know that it can never happen;
So all I can do is express my feelings towards you in words;
Words that will never be read by you.