Numb

I honestly didn't realize at all how numb I've become and what have been the caused of it..it's this constant feeling of pain inside of me that somehow feels like it's not there...I'm miserable I'll admit it I'll typed it out in my blog for the world to see I'll admit it..what's left to hide? I'm sure everyone feels the same...I know I'm not alone but in a way I am alone...It's not another phase in life..I know I need to do something to feel good about myself...I hated it at National Service..but when I come home...I don't feel the love..I don't feel wanted in a way..I feel like I'm a burden...and their throwing hints of expectation of hopes and dreams that they want fulfilled..I don't know if I am able to do those things...I'm not like those kids who are blessed with talent who don't seem to have a lazy bone in them..I wish I was like them..honestly I do..but I'm not..and no matter how much I wish I could be like them I can't, sometimes I feel like I've let them down...sometimes I hate them for turning me into what I am..I know what I want..at least I thought I did...but what I want..isn't what they want..someone ones told me that you have to be selfish to get what you want sometimes...but their selfishness over shadows mine...I don't blame them for everything...sometimes I do..sometimes I don't...sometimes I feel more hurt than love...but most of the time all I feel is rage..wrath...maybe it's from the hurts in the past..betrayal of friendship..sometimes at night when I'm alone the same conversation from a lost friend keeps playing in my head...I know sounds like something from TV..but it is exactly how it feels...I can still remember how naive I was...and how she sounded..she knew what she was talking about and she knew how the world was even at a young age..I just wanted to believe that everything was really that simple but it's not. And now I know...and I know it's only going to get worst..but already I feel numb.

Every time I hear this song..it gives me chills..not necessarily a bad thing..but it also gives me a sense of comfort..cause the lyrics is exactly how we all feel.

Linkin Park - Numb video (lyrics below)



I'm tired of being what you want me to be
feeling so faithless
lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
put under the pressure
of walking in your shoes

[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
every step that I take is another mistake to you
[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]

I've
become so numb
I can't feel you there
become so tired
so much more aware
I'm becoming this
all I want to do
is be more like me
and be less like you

can't you see that you're smothering me
holding too tightly
afraid to lose control
cause everything that you thought I would be
has fallen apart right in front of you

[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
every step that I take is another mistake to you
[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
and every second I waste is more than I can take

I've
become so numb
I can't feel you there
become so tired
so much more aware
I'm becoming this
all I want to do
is be more like me
and be less like you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

I've
become so numb
I can't feel you there
become so tired
so much more aware
I'm becoming this
all I want to do
is be more like me
and be less like you

I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be